“Gifts that Keep on Giving” by Marge Piercy

Gifts that keep on giving
by Marge Piercy (b.1936)

You know when you unwrap them:
fruitcake is notorious. There were only
51 of them baked in 1917 by the
personal chef of Rasputin. The mad monk
ate one. That was what finally killed him

But there are many more bouncers:
bowls green and purple spotted like lepers.
Vases of inept majolica in the shape
of wheezing frogs or overweight lilies.
Sweaters sized for Notre Dame’s hunchback.

Hourglasses of no use humans
can devise. Gloves to fit three-toed sloths.
Mufflers of screaming plaid acrylic.
Necklaces and pins that transform
any outfit to a thrift shop reject.

Boxes of candy so stale and sticky
the bonbons pull teeth faster than
your dentist. Weird sauces bought
at warehouse sales no one will ever
taste unless suicidal or blind.

Immortal as vampires, these gifts
circulate from birthdays to Christmas,
from weddings to anniversaries.
Even if you send them to the dump,
they resurface, bobbing up on the third

day like the corpses they call floaters.
After all living have turned to dust
and ashes, in the ruins of cities
alien archeologists will judge our
civilization by these monstrous relics.

(HT to H.H. for introducing me to this poem and K.K. for recommending Marge Piercy’s Woman on the Edge of Time.)

Book Recommendation for 2015

The best book I’ve read this year is Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates, written as a letter to his son for when he’s older.

Coates recognizes the dignity of each person, each “one-of-one.”

Slavery is not an indefinable mass of flesh. It is a particular, enslaved woman, whose mind is active as your own, whose range of feeling is as vast as your own, whose range of feeling is as vast as your own; who prefers the way the light falls in one particular spot in the woods, who enjoys fishing where the water eddies in a nearby stream, who loves her mother in her own complicated way, thinks her sister talks too loud, has a favorite cousin, a favorite season, who excels at dress-making and knows, inside herself, that she is as intelligent and capable as anyone. “Slavery” is this same woman born in a world that loudly proclaims its love of freedom and inscribes this love in its essential texts, a world in which these same professors hold this woman a slave, hold her mother a slave, her father a slave, her daughter a slave, and when this woman peers back into the generations all she sees is the enslaved… Never forget that for 250 years black people were born into chains — whole generations followed by more generations who knew nothing but chains.

Also, despite our nation’s wealth being built out of slavery and systematic abuses of power to safeguard the American Dream, Coates sees the beauty in the world. He sees the stark reality of how easily bodies can be broken by human and natural causes, and how to be insulated from that reality is to not only be ignorant, but also to be farther from grasping the meaning of life itself: life’s transience, our mortality, the richness of our differences, and the way we depend on one another.

I am sorry that I cannot save you — but not that sorry. Part of me thinks that your very vulnerability brings you closer to the meaning of life, just as for others, the quest to believe oneself white divides them from it. The fact is that despite their dreams, their lives are also not inviolable. When their own vulnerability becomes real — when the police decide that tactics intended for the ghetto should enjoy wider usage, when their armed society shoots down their children, when nature sends hurricanes against their cities — they are shocked in a way that those of us who were born and bred to understand cause and effect can never be. And I would not have you live like them. You have been cast into a race in which the wind is always at your face and the hounds are always at your heels. And to varying degrees this is true of all life. The difference is that you do not have the privilege of living in ignorance of this essential fact.

There is so much I would like to talk about with this book, and I realize I’ve just slapped down some large quotes with very little discussion. But first, without delay, I recommend it to you so that I have you to talk about it with.

After that, I’d like to discuss how Coates talks about how racism perpetuates itself, how it’s not about race but about a people. How Tolstoy is the Tolstoy of the Zulus. And so much more. But first, read the book.

Be kind, and wash dishes together

Lots of people have written and spoken about the importance of being kind to each other. The people that immediately come to mind are Jesus, Mahatma Gandhi, and Mother Theresa. Then contemporary writers George Saunders and Maria Popova. I’m sure there are many others. What they neglected to mention was the importance of washing dishes together.

About a week ago, I met with a kind woman who was feeling broken hearted. Her boyfriend of many years had left her. We washed dishes after a group dinner next to each other, and she shared this lesson:

Be kind to each other. Treat each other as special, even when habituated.

Do chores together — like washing dishes — so you can talk together about things you’ve noticed.

She seemed optimistic in the face of feeling very sad. She had broken up with the man before, and they’d gotten back together, but she said that things had gotten “gross.” I took that to mean that that the dirty dishes were stacking up, or they were not treating each other with the full respect they’d shown initially.

I feel grateful to have this word of warning about the importance of working to maintain respect and freshness in relationships.

I’m amazed by the importance of washing dishes for a harmonious household. I can’t believe I just wrote that. It sounds like something a 50s housewife would say with a fixed smile. I suppose what I mean is this: sharing dishwashing can help establish an equitable household.

A fellow teacher shared a study about the benefits of mindful dishwashing on lowering stress. I found the full passage by looking up the study online. By reading the passage before washing dishes, participants experienced positive, stress-reducing effects. The control group, given only a description of how to wash dishes, did not see the gains of the group who read the passage. Get out your sponges and scrubbies, and glimpse “the miracle of life while standing at the sink.” But first, here’s the magic passage:

While washing the dishes one should only be washing
the dishes. This means that while washing the dishes
one should be completely aware of the fact that one is
washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a
little silly. Why put so much stress on a simple thing?
But that’s precisely the point. The fact that I am standing
there and washing is a wondrous reality. I’m being
completely myself, following my breath, conscious of
my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and actions.
There’s no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a
bottle slapped here and there on the waves.
 
If while washing dishes, we think only of what we
would rather do, hurrying to finish the dishes as if they
were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to
wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during
the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are
completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life
while standing at the sink. If we can’t wash the dishes,
the chances are we won’t be able to drink our tea either.
While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking
of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands.
Thus we are sucked away into the future — and we are
incapable of actually living one minute of life.